Shout Out to 2018

I'm not going to lie; this year was rough. It was even rougher than last year.

2017 saw me go from happy to devastated to unsure to wobbly and that is where it left me. I was SO looking forward to 2018.

The year started off just as crappy as the previous had ended. Bryce and I still fought more and probably almost worse than we had before. I felt like January to April could have seen us end our marriage many times.

But May came and it was like the sun came out. I'll tell you why.

I learned to accept life as it was. Things were not going to go back to the way they were. Bryce & I were forever changed, my life was forever changed and there was nothing I could do but move forward.

May to NOW has been good. Great. EVEN BETTER THAN BEFORE.

Sure, we still fought now and then, we still had bouts of depression and I still struggled with some things, just as Bryce did.

But life went on. This was life. This was now and I wasn't going to waste any more time on the past.

In 2018,

1. Bryce & I dropped and kept off over 70 pounds by walking, riding bikes, eating better and doing intermittent fasting.

2. I struggled with not being on stage and not doing music. I still struggle, but not as much. I accepted that God doesn't want me there right now. I miss doing music with my friends, but I know God has more in store for me than I ever planned.

3. Bryce & I went on a couple of trips by ourselves. Nothing extravagant, just a couple of days in Zion, a couple of days in Colorado. We had tons and tons of dates and lots of laughs too.

4. We revisited our counselor, but on my selfish terms which brought about a huge fight. I think I've learned now that I am still a selfish person and want to work on that even harder.

5. Piper turned 11, Samantha turned 9 and Scarlet turned 8. Teeth were lost, teeth grew in, inches were gained and Pip started turning into a little adult.

6. Canvas By Cassandra BLEW UP. Literally. I had canvases everywhere in the house and succeeded in getting over 750 canvases completed and sent out all over the US.

7. My grandpa passed away in July and it made me sad that I was never super close to him.

8. We did more stuff with the girls & dogs; hikes, walks, movies, video games. Family time became a priority.

9. I made new friends, let go of some and reconnected with old relationships that I thought were gone.

10. I turned 37, changed my hair color twice and Bryce turned 41. Hair is the same, I'd like to report, for Bryce for the millionth year in a row.

11. I learned to admit when I am wrong and apologize no matter how freaking hard and embarrassing it is.

12. I realized that church is a building and the people are the church.

13. I, along with Bryce, battled depression like we never have before. Thank God that it was always one of us and not both at the same time. We were able to be there for each other and encourage one another with whatever we were going through.

Overall, I could say that 2018 taught me a lot and I'm grateful for the good & bad times that I had. Hills and valleys.

I think it is safe to say that Bryce & I are out of the woods. We will keep working on our marriage, but I know that it has been restored. We are working on trust, communication, words of affirmation and what it is to have a renewed marriage. It's HARRRRRRRRRD. But it's worth it.

Here's to you, 2019. Here's to making memories, doing hard things and drinking coffee with my Mer Mer.