Monday, August 06, 2018

When The Chapter Is Over

One year ago today, unbeknownst to me, I spent my last Sunday on stage as the worship leader at our church.

One year ago today, I was blind to the person I had become.

One year ago today, I was becoming destructive.

I remember the sermon was spot on and I had taken notes. I had sat in the booth with Bryce during 1st service and listened. It was a series called The Daily Grind and I remember this particular one was making your job your life.

I remember thinking, "Oh man....I'm so glad I don't do that. This is good to know in case I start seeing warning signs."


I had already made my job my life. I was more devastated over that than hurting my family when everything rolled out.

I cried more over music than anything.

I look back now and think, "I was a mess. I was in a dark place and I was a freaking mess. I couldn't even see it."

I was making decisions for the next week thinking about only myself.

So, the chapter has closed. It is done, it is over. The year of firsts has finally been completed and I'm so glad to be moving on.

What do we do now? We LIVE. We live our life. We choose each other. We choose joy. We choose forgiveness. We choose redemption.

I encourage you to take your current circumstances and evaluate them. Look at them from every angle. Are you choosing the right path? Are you making decisions out of emotion or logic? Are you letting bitterness, fear or anger taking control or letting God lead you? And if you're in that dark place, reach out to someone and talk to them. It will be one of the best decisions you make.

Tuesday, June 05, 2018

Then AND Now

Another school year wrapped up and I'm not going to was my hardest.

Usually, August is a time for last minute summer celebrations and prepping our daily schedule to change back to a school routine.

Last August, that was when everything heavy was going down between Bryce & I. The very first day of school was when we had our 2nd counseling appointment. We had fights, arguments, meltdowns and we still had to do school. We pretty much played catch-up until the end of the year.

I'm proud to say that the girls did SO good and got straight A's in all of their subjects. They really stepped it up and we ended the school year with high fives and froyo.

Since B & I are finally out of the woods (more on that later), we considered our options and decided to do another year of homeschool, which means I'll have a 2nd grader (EASY), 4th grader (EASY) and 6th grader (YIKES). Pip moves up to a middle school platform that is different from what we are used to. Thank goodness we have an awesome support staff at UTVA!



Friday, May 18, 2018

The Old Elbow Grease Method

Things come pretty easy these days; you don't really have to work hard to get them.

I want the new album by so and I just download it from Amazon. I don't have to wait for it to be in physical form. I don't need to hunt it down at the music store. I don't need to wait for it at all. I can get it now.

There are so many more examples, but what got me today was a devotional I had done earlier this year. It's not anything spectacular and I feel like some of the days so far haven't really meant anything to me...until today.

It was "Assess the Goods: Becoming New". It talked about how God is in the business of taking broken things and turning them into glorious displays of His love.

Say what?

Didn't I just blog earlier this year about how I'm trying out this new me, trying to let go of the old? #oldme, #newme? He is going to take me as I am and work on me with good, old-fashioned elbow grease. He's fixing my gears. He's polishing me. He's taking time to make a better version of who I am. Not who I was. Who I AM. He is making me new, not me.

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; the old has gone, the new is here!"

This is groundbreaking, even though I've heard it a gazillion times.

So, on the days when I'm missing music, missing my job, missing the comfortable, I need to remember that God is just polishing me. He's not taking the music out of me. He's not making me go through the trials I do just for fun. He is polishing me to be used in even better ways. It's going to be uncomfortable in a comfortable way.

I need to take God's elbow grease and apply it as well. Kick the little devil off my shoulder who whispers in my ear. Keep pressing on and pressing forward. Onward and upward! Onward and upward. Onward. Upward.

I choose joy.
I choose Bryce.
I choose not to lie.
I choose to not be wicked.
I choose to not seek out music today....
I choose to trump worry with worship.
I choose to not be bitter.
I choose to surrender my timeline.

I choose to believe that God will use me again. I believe it. I know it. I claim it. He has promised me that this is His plan.

Now....I need to get to work and keep working on the little things, one day at a time. It's going to be hard work, painful maybe, I am brave, I am bruised and I am who I'm meant to be...but the end's going to be awesome.