The Dangers of Being a Mom

Nobody tells you how dangerous it is being a mom.

First of all, your heart is stolen multiple times. Sure, you've already given your heart to Christ and to your spouse, but you made the choice to give it to them.

Those darn kids....they just take it. They can't even talk, focus on your or make you a cup of coffee and yet, boom...it's gone. And it happens with each kid. Seriously....you think, "I don't know if I can love another child as much as I do now" and it's like your body goes, "Oh yeah? Watch this." And there it goes....making your heart bigger to make room for the next kid and how do they appreciate you? By stealing it again. You can't even call your heart your own anymore!!

I mean, even when the kid makes you SO mad you think you're going to scream (and sometimes you do), you are helpless. They squeeze your heart, poke it a couple of times and yet, there you are, murmuring how handsome they look when they're rolling their eyes at you (well....I'm not quite at that stage yet, but I've had similar experiences).

Secondly, you do things no normal person would do. You praise them for pooping, even if it's all over the floor! You wipe feces off of your furniture while cooing. You wash the pukey sheets at 2 AM (to set the record straight, I don't....but I know there are moms who do this nasty act).

You contort your face into masks of comedic horror to make them laugh. You contort your body into difficult angles to make them laugh. You speak gibberish and think it's normal. Spit up has become the cologne of choice.

Thirdly, you cry. A lot. All the time. "They're growing up too fast." "They're not crawling like other kids." "They pooped all over me." "They finally pooped!" "They pulled my hair." "My body is all wrinkly." "They drew a picture of me." Etc. Etc. ETC.

But....we do end up acquiring those supernatural qualities that make us bad-ass at what we do. We become ninja-like as we lay the baby down in the crib without waking them up. We've learned to become statues when such baby is looking around for us in the middle of the night. We can sleep like the dead for minutes until the slightest wimpering wakes us up. We actually have eyes in the back of our head and that mother's intuition? Dude, it's real.

And the love?

I remember one night looking at Piper, sleeping peacefully in her crib. Suddenly, my heart swelled up inside of me and I thought I was going to die from happiness. I told my mom that I finally understood how she felt about me. It was quite the bonding experience between us.

Sure, my belly is super wrinkly, I have constant bags under my eyes, occasionally have resorted to hiding in the bathroom, BUT....I wouldn't trade my girls for the world.