Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Friend Wanted With No Strings Attached...or Baggage...or Problems...

Friendship.


Life was simple and living was easy. Carefree. This was who I was. I think it was a few weeks after this epic picture that me & Joc found out that Anna & Ashley were moving...out of state...like all the way across the U.S.

The group was breaking up. Like a band. Like the Beatles (sorry, I had to throw that one in there).

Fast forward 2 years. We're still friends, we keep in touch, we miss each other a lot. Me & Joc? Well, we don't hang out as often as we used to. She had baby issues and I had marriage issues. Those are valid excuses.

Or...are they?

Two things occurred today that made me think. One was a coffee date with someone I had never had coffee with before and the other was a picture of coffee & avocado toast with the caption that said this: STAY CONNECTED.

Let me talk about that one first. The person who posted it said this underneath the picture: Don't forget to invest in your friends.

Crap. I have been a crappy friend. Sure, it is valid that I was having marriage issues and needed to spend that time with B. It was super important. My friends understood. Who wouldn't? Joc was having baby issues and that is extremely important. Her friends understood. Who wouldn't? Well, crappy friends or maybe people you thought were your friends, but that's not the point. The point is....me & B are doing way better, Joc is doing way better, but I have still been a crappy friend.

Why?

I think because I keep waiting for people to reach out to me when, in fact, I haven't been reaching out to anyone. I haven't been investing in my friends who matter to me. I haven't been investing in Joc. I haven't been investing in the friends I have from church. I've been waiting to have my cup filled by others.

Selfishness in action.

That brings me to the coffee date. This was with someone whom I've never purposely hung out with, yet I've known her for years. She's going through some personal stuff and wanted to reach out to me. We both agreed that when you go through crap, people drop out of your life because you don't fit in anymore....when all we want to do is belong (more on that tomorrow).

She also said that she's been waiting to know the real me for years, but never made it into "the Cassandra group".

Yikes. Was I that consumed with being popular that I had made a group? The answer is YES. Remember, I have been a selfish person. I was so inundated by people who liked me that I only drew in those who satisfied me in some way.

So, in short....I was that pretty cheerleader who only let certain people into her circle and pretended to be someone she really wasn't (no offense to my MANY cheerleader friends).

That sucks. It sucks that I was such an ugly person on the outside, it sucks that I lost a lot of friends when I was in a crisis and it sucks that I have let my real friendships fade because I haven't put any effort towards maintaining them.

I am NOT in crisis mode anymore. I now have a somewhat normal life and have publicly admitted how much of a selfish jerk I was. I'm ready to move forward, to choose joy and say this:

Friends, I am sorry if I have neglected you or made you feel neglected. I'd name you one by one, but I think you'll know who you are. I care about you and I love you and I'm sorry that I tried to fade off of the map. To quote my friend, "I secluded myself." I thought it would be better for you if I didn't pursue you. I want to hang out with you, I want to have coffee/lunch with you and I want to celebrate what is going on in your life. I want to invest in our friendship. I need to invest in B as well, but I need you in my life too. Don't let me drift away.

Don't forget to invest in your friends. And don't forget to make new ones too.

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