30-4: It Isn't Easy To Forgive

While I was up in SLC, I was able to share some things on my heart with my friend Melissa. She recommended a book to me and, because of my love affair with Amazon, I immediately ordered it through Prime so I could have it ready for me as soon as I finished my other book.

The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive and Don't Know How

Don't know how? Don't you just say "I forgive you" and it's done?

NO.

I mean, we have encouraged the girls to say those words when their sister has hurt them in some way, but it's easier said than done.

You have to be in the right place and the right state of mind to ask for forgiveness. I know, for me, that I have to say, "I'm done being bitter and I'm done feeling the way I do about so and so." Then, I ask so and so for forgiveness. It's hard because I'm a very prideful person (whaaaaaat????) and I don't like being in the wrong.

You also have to be in the right place and the right state of mind TO forgive. I feel like that's even harder. I'm not one to hold grudges. I'm not good at them. I get all worked up and then later that day, I'm done. It's over.

But there have been a few circumstances in my life (and still are) where I have found it (find it) SO hard to forgive.

I want to share a very brief and slightly vague story with you: my ex-stepdad and I didn't have the greatest relationship growing up. I mean, to be honest, it straight up sucked. I won't say why, but just know that it wasn't a time in my life that I found to be the happiest. For a long time, I truly felt anger and hatred toward him.

Fast forward a few years. I felt like I wanted to forgive him. I knew I NEEDED to forgive him, but I didn't know if I was ready. So....I prayed about it. I talked about it out loud. Honestly, I wasn't in a place where I could say the words TO him, so I just said them, "I forgive you."

I felt this...weight, like a real one, lift off of me. Almost like there had been pressure on my lungs that I had grown used to, so I didn't even notice that it was there, and then suddenly POOF. Gone.

For years, I would think back to some specific instances and I would feel the anger and the sadness rise up in my throat. But this time, this one time...I brought back those memories and I felt...nothing.

I felt nothing. I felt nothing. I felt nothing. And still, I felt nothing. No anger, no hatred, no sadness. I felt...nothing. And I felt happy. I could think of him and not feel that way toward him anymore. No more animosity. I was indifferent.

A few other times I have found true forgiveness, but there are still some that I struggle with. There are people in my life that I need to forgive and I just don't know how. And it's because they are still hurting me. And I let them hurt me. And I don't like it one bit. But I don't know how to do it. They are hard and every time I think I'm in the right place, I'm still in the wrong one.

So, I'm looking forward to reading this book. I don't want to feel bitterness. I don't want to feel sadness. I want to find forgiveness.

And...I want to encourage you. Maybe you are a Christ follower and maybe you aren't; but if there is someone in your life that you need to or want to forgive, try it. Think about it, pray about it, talk to someone about it. Read this book. Maybe it will help you.

I certainly hope that it can help me-
because I want to be better.