What I Learned From Jeremy Camp, Kutless & Adam Cappa

I wrote this back in October, 2014 and just found it tonight. It still rings true:

All I ever wanted to be was famous. Well-liked, famous and a rockstar, to be more exact. Even after I became a Christian, I still wanted to be a rockstar, but for Jesus this time. That last part isn't true. It was still for me. I wanted to be a well-liked, famous Christian rockstar, but for the fame of it; the lights, the crowd jumping up and down, the boom of the bass thumping in my chest, people wanting MY autograph. All about me.

Fast forward to current times, to the age of 33 1/2 and where am I? Am I anywhere near what I wanted? Honestly, the answer is no. I can hide it all I want, but part of me was sad last night as we drove away from the concert venue, knowing that I will never do what Jeremy Camp does. And I began to pity myself. Not a lot, but still enough to make me a pathetic person. I confessed the previous paragraph to Bryce as we left our friend's house and um, yah...he already knew all that. He has known me for 12 years and knows what is in my  heart.

Anyways, we came home, put the kids to bed and then B went to go relax. I was alone in my own world, pretending that it was I who was on that stage. Then I looked in the mirror and I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed of MYSELF! I was ashamed that I was acting so silly!! I tried to be thankful for what I had, but it was too late. I couldn't even look at myself, so I went to bed. And you know what was even worse? I didn't pray because I felt silly before God. Silly that I was idolizing things that I shouldn't. Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard?

However, this morning I woke up and that bitter beast inside of me was silent. God's grace spoke to me this morning and said that it was okay. He loved me anyways, even if I did feel silly and embarrassed. He is my Father, just as I am Piper's mother. When she hides from me because she is embarrassed, I still love her. And that is what I felt this morning. The reassuring touch; that He will help me to overcome.

So....um, what does that have to do with Jeremy Camp, Kutless or Adam Cappa? Not much, I guess. But, had I not gone to the concert last night and experienced EVERYTHING that I felt (good and bad), I think I would have not had the excruciating experience that occurred. Sure, I go through phases where I don't feel envious and where I do feel envious. But last night was something different.

Bryce put it perfectly. I am making a difference right here in St. George. My job, my form of employment, is singing and running a team of musicians. I am lucky and blessed to be where I am now and I thank God each day that I get to be a part of something amazing.