These past 5 months have been a whirlwind. Lots of change, growth, disappointments, steps forward, steps backward, triumphs, failures, etc.
I have learned a number of things:
1. I cannot and should not place my hope in man. They will only disappoint me every time (we'll talk about this another time).
2. I need my nighttime walks with B. It gives us time to talk and gives me nice legs (unashamed over here).
3. Sometimes music hurts me in a good way and it sucks.
4. I once was lost, but now I'm found.
5. Pop Tarts are still really good uncooked.
Okay, so the last point isn't really relevant, but I had to throw it in there.
Something else I've learned is that I was meant to live for something more. Sound familiar, like from a song? BINGO. I think in song, so this shouldn't surprise you.
Yes, quoting Switchfoot (which is going to be the theme over the next couple of weeks), I really was meant to live for something more. My life doesn't rotate around just one thing. It doesn't define me.
Ahhhhh.....the elusive one thing. For me, that is music. I miss making music. I miss being a part of music. Every day, I feel the sting of consequences unraveling around me. Let's review point #3:
Sometimes music hurts me in a good way...
1. I cannot and should not place my hope in man. They will only disappoint me every time (we'll talk about this another time).
2. I need my nighttime walks with B. It gives us time to talk and gives me nice legs (unashamed over here).
3. Sometimes music hurts me in a good way and it sucks.
4. I once was lost, but now I'm found.
5. Pop Tarts are still really good uncooked.
Okay, so the last point isn't really relevant, but I had to throw it in there.
Something else I've learned is that I was meant to live for something more. Sound familiar, like from a song? BINGO. I think in song, so this shouldn't surprise you.
Yes, quoting Switchfoot (which is going to be the theme over the next couple of weeks), I really was meant to live for something more. My life doesn't rotate around just one thing. It doesn't define me.
Ahhhhh.....the elusive one thing. For me, that is music. I miss making music. I miss being a part of music. Every day, I feel the sting of consequences unraveling around me. Let's review point #3:
Sometimes music hurts me in a good way...
What does that mean? It means I hear songs that I've heard songs before, but they mean something different now. They actually mean more than just "I like this song" or "I love singing this song". I hear the words and they shoot arrows into my heart. They bring tears to my eyes. They make me want to cry out.
...and it sucks.
It does. I hate being hurt or feeling hurt. It is a broken reminder of what my life used to look like; the reminder of what was and what will never be again.
BUT....oh yes, but.......
The sting of losing music doesn't even compare to what pain I would have felt if I would have chosen my selfish desires over my marriage.
...and it sucks.
It does. I hate being hurt or feeling hurt. It is a broken reminder of what my life used to look like; the reminder of what was and what will never be again.
BUT....oh yes, but.......
The sting of losing music doesn't even compare to what pain I would have felt if I would have chosen my selfish desires over my marriage.
BOOM.
I was meant to live for more than just music. I was meant to live for more than just singing on stage or putting out videos. Don't get me wrong....I miss doing all of this and more. But I don't have to let my life revolve around it the way it used to.
Point #4: I once was lost and oh, how I was. I was lost inside myself. I thought about myself and only myself. But now I'm found. Christ found me and was the light in my darkness.
So...I'm going to stumble a lot, but I'm keeping my eyes open and focused on what God has in store for me (and for my marriage). No one ever said living was easy!!
Check out the song and really listen to the words.
I was meant to live for more than just music. I was meant to live for more than just singing on stage or putting out videos. Don't get me wrong....I miss doing all of this and more. But I don't have to let my life revolve around it the way it used to.
Point #4: I once was lost and oh, how I was. I was lost inside myself. I thought about myself and only myself. But now I'm found. Christ found me and was the light in my darkness.
So...I'm going to stumble a lot, but I'm keeping my eyes open and focused on what God has in store for me (and for my marriage). No one ever said living was easy!!
Check out the song and really listen to the words.
Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments,
And failed attempts to fly, fly
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments,
And failed attempts to fly, fly
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin' with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin' with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life
1 comment:
I love your honesty Cassandra. Thank you for being you. {HUGS}
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