#2: This Is Your Life

Flashback to 2004.

Working a 9-5 at a job that I didn't love. Sitting in traffic for over an hour each way, each day.

It seems like every morning, I'm crying on my way to work. 

Newly married, but stressed to the nines.

Switchfoot's Beautiful Letdown is on constant repeat. 

Suddenly, I actually listen to the words:

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

Now, I realize that working a job you don't love isn't a big deal, but to a 23 year-old, it was. I cried out, No! This is not who I want to be!

It was that day that Bryce told me I could quit my job and find something I loved.

Flash forward 13ish years. 

Each year, I remember how I felt and each year I could honestly say that, yes, I am who I want to be. I had it all. Dream job, beautiful kids, a husband who loved me, a roof over my head, financially secure.....but I didn't have it at all. I was becoming someone else, someone I never thought I would.

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

Ashamed, broken, wondering how I got to where I was and who I was. No. the answer was no.

But I looked around. This WAS my life. I was going to change who I wanted to be. I couldn't think about the past any more. I couldn't live in fear. Yesterday is dead and over; all I have is today. 

So...I changed. I changed quietly. I changed loudly. I changed slowly and I changed quickly. Change is change is change. I keep changing. I keep falling and I keep learning. I am becoming who I want to be.

I know it won't happen overnight. And I know I can't do it without help; my friends, my family and God. I am so grateful for God's grace and for new mercies every morning. Every morning I choose joy. I choose to be better. I choose to shine. I choose to learn. I choose to be.

I will keep my eyes open, focus on today and be someone that I WANT to be.

Maybe you're in a place where you feel broken. You are ashamed. You are scared. You don't want to let go.

Don't close your eyes. This is your life.

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead 
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken 
Don't close your eyes 
Don't close your eyes 

This is your life and today is all you've got now 
And today is all you'll ever have 
Don't close your eyes 
Don't close your eyes 

This is your life 
Are you who you want to be? 
This is your life 
Are you who you want to be? 

This is your life 
Is it everything you've dreamed it would be 
When the world was younger 
And you had everything to lose? 

Yesterday is a kid in the corner 
Yesterday is dead and over 

And this is your life 
Are you who you want to be? 
This is your life 
Are you who you want to be? 

This is your life 
Is everything you've dreamed that it would be 
When the world was younger 
And you had everything to lose? 

Don't close your eyes 
Don't close your eyes 
Don't close your eyes 
Don't close your eyes 

This is your life 
Are you who you want to be? 
This is your life 
Are you who you want to be? Yeah 

This is your life 
Are you who you want to be, who you want to be? Yeah 
This is your life 
Are you who you want to be, who you want to be? 

This is your life 
Is it everything you dreamed that it would be 
When the world was younger 
And you had everything to lose? 
You had everything to lose?