Thirty Days- Day One- A Bowl of Fruity Pebbles

You know what makes me happy? A bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I don't know what it is about them, but sitting down with a bowl (not a ton of milk) just puts a smile on my face.

A cup of chai tea is comparable to a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. A good book, a rainstorm, new curtains, popping open a Coke, a good hair day, good music, surprises, a clean living room, the smell of laundry washing, a well-organized pantry, etc, etc, etc.


But right now, I don't want to talk about that. What's on my mind is sadness. I've been sad a lot lately. Our friend Justin passed away just a few weeks ago and then today is the anniversary of sweet Nate. To top it off, just one year ago, my uncle passed away. So yah, I've been sad a lot. It's all I can think about. I cry and cry, think and cry, cry and think.

And then I start thinking about it all. I start thinking about how life is sudden and sweet. The pain, the sorrow...it all comes with the happiness and joy. It's life. That's what life is! And we have no idea how long we'll be here or how we'll go. We're not promised any amount of time. We hope we'll live to be healthy old people. We hope that our kids will grow up with good memories. We can only hope, we can't know.

So what do we do? What do I do? Do I keep crying? Do I keep focusing and thinking about it? Of course not! I already know that as time goes by, I'll feel better. Everyone does, eventually. And in times of death, we make promises to be kinder, to find happiness in a sunrise, to live life to the fullest! It's like New Year's resolutions....we have good intentions, but that gym membership gets cancelled after a couple of months, the cigarettes remain between our lips. We need to have true resolve in order to change. It doesn't happen overnight. It can take a LONG time.

No resolutions to change who I am. I am always changing. I am always growing, stretching, changing. I will shed this skin over and over again, becoming new, a little bit different each time. I take these sad things and turn them into memories that are mine. They are mine and I will never lose them.

The only thing I'm taking away from all of this is that life is going to go on. I'm still going to make mistakes, yell at my kids, forget to say I love you, fight, gossip, struggle and yet, life will still go on. Until my eyes shut for the last time, I will remain human.

I will keep doing things that make me happy. I will read my good books, wait for the rainstorms, keep my living room picked up, drink my Cokes, do my laundry, keep my mp3 player full of good tunes and have that bowl of Fruity Pebbles.