With Scarlet turning 1 tomorrow, my brain has been going to into hyper-drive.
"Why? I thought you were all done with the babies and that you were happy to be done?"
Yes, the above is true- but I'm becoming sad that my kids in general are growing up. Piper's face doesn't have that "baby fine-ness" to it anymore and wants to cut her hair short. She likes to dress herself and wants to be a Mommy when she gets bigger (doesn't help that she's 10 feet tall...according to herself, that is). Samantha's words are becoming clearer and she's not having accidents anymore during the daytime. Thankfully, she still likes hugs and kisses and wants me to carry her around. Scarlet...well, she's not a little baby anymore! She's trying to walk, she babbles all the time, she doesn't really want to nurse anymore. What's next, a curfew?
I know that all moms are going through this, as I'm sure my mom did with me and my sisters. How do you feel all this crazy emotion and still be sane? It seriously makes me want to cry. Yes, I enjoy having "me time" and I enjoy seeing my kids learn new things. I know this isn't Never Land and one day, my kids will be gone.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I think this is too deep for me to be thinking about in the morning, considering my coffee cup is still only half full. But let me leave you with this:
I love my girls so much that my heart hurts. Sometimes I think that my heart is so full of love that it is going to explode. Even when my girls are being bad and want to strangle them, I still cry inside because of the love I have for them. Looking at their baby pictures makes me want to cry out for yesterday; but yesterday is gone. All I have are the moments RIGHT NOW. I don't know if I'll be here tomorrow. I don't know if my girls will be here tomorrow. So I am going to take the moments that I have to show my girls that I love them. I hope that when they get older and I am gone, they will remember my love.
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2 comments:
This is so much what I've been going through lately. Seeing how old Bella is now and how smart she's getting makes me go crazy wishing for her newborn days. Lucas is soaking up all the knowledge he can and is becoming more boyish daily. I want to go back to when he'd crawl away and I'd find him without his diaper. And in my head Liam is already a toddler. Being a mom is so rewarding but it's also confusing with all these emotions. Thanks for sharing this cause it helps to know other moms are feeling the same things. :)
We certainly all feel that way. I can't believe I have an 8-year-old! Yet, at the same time, because I homeschool them, I don't feel like I've missed a thing. I've enjoyed every single moment that I could and still can with them. BUT, I still ask Brian if he's SURE he doesn't want a 5th baby. Even though I know that we're done, I still have bouts of "baby fever"...thankfully, those bouts are becoming shorter and shorter. I'm relishing the fact that they all sleep through the night, I FINALLY am diaper-free, and they are all old enough to play a game together...at the same time. It really does get more fun the older they get. Can't say how I'd feel if I didn't homeschool, though. I'd probably miss them so much, I'd make myself sick. I'm so grateful for my extra time with them, and them with each other.
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