I've had a lot going on: lots of trips, catching up on housecleaning, keeping the girls occupied, emotions running wild, keeping myself occupied, etc.
So...why? What is keeping me from being focused? I guess, if I'm being honest (and I usually am), I'm trying to keep my mind off of the fact that my best friend has moved across the country from me.
When you spend a good portion of your week, holidays, special occasions and no occasions at all over the last couple of years with someone and then they are gone....it is kind of hard to adjust to not doing that anymore.
Don't get me wrong. I am wildly happy for her and her family; they are now the proud owners of the Haury Farm in Tennessee, replete with 43 acres, a dog that protects the herd, the yet-to-be-existent herd, deer, green green grass, an octagonal-like peach bathtub. She's closer to her family now and living out their dream.
It's fun to do something different! Change can be fun. I mean, come on; I change all the time (not JUST because I get bored easily)! And, I know what it's like to be the move-away-er. I moved away from my family to go to San Diego. Bryce & I moved away from his family to come to St. George. But I've never been the move-away-ee, at least to the point of where it affected me so much. It's hard!
No one ever said change was easy. No one ever said that change doesn't hurt. And no one ever said, "I like it when my life changes in a drastic way!" I mean, unless you are getting married or having a baby, or...nevermind. I take that last one back!
It has been hard, changing my routine to something I'm not used to. She's only been gone for two months (to the day), but it feels like it has been forever. I've been planning all these things to do and trips to take to keep my mind off of the change AND, when I get back from said trips, I am so busy catching up on everything, I don't notice the absence.
I have friends still that live here and that I hang out with, but it's not the same.
Anyways, I hung out with Jocelyn (my other BFFFFF) today and it made me think....I need to get back into focus. I need to accept that my best friend has moved away and that it is OKAY. No, it won't be the same, but this is a way that God is preparing my heart for whatever is coming next. Maybe He's teaching me something. I don't know! But, I want to be ready for it. And if I'm not willing to change, I can't grow.
I change a lot. I got called out on gossiping, so I changed that. I used to storm out of meetings, so I changed that. I wasn't spending a lot of time with the hubs, so I changed that. All of that wasn't easy. Change isn't easy. But on this, this really really REALLY hard circumstance, I want to be able to grow from it, which means I need to accept the change that is going on in my life RIGHT NOW. Do I choose to be sad? Or do I choose to live?
I choose to live. I choose to change. I choose to grow. I choose to be in focus. I choose to be present.
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