My Rant

Yesterday sucked. It sucked big time. It was one of the worst days of my life. I keep thinking that it's going to be over soon, but it won't.

Our best friends, Phil & Melissa, suffered a tragic loss yesterday with the unexpected passing of their 8 month-old son, Nate. My pain is nothing compared to theirs.

I am a believer. I know Nate is in heaven. I know he is with Jesus. I know that there is a God, that I am saved by the blood of the Lamb and that He is there no matter what. I know that He is in control and that He does all things for a purpose.

But what purpose does this serve? I want Him to take it all back, like a sick joke. I echo the cry of thousands, "It's NOT FAIR." It's not fair to Melissa. It's not fair to Phil. It's not fair to Ella. It's. Not. Fair.

I don't want to see them crying anymore. I don't want to hear the songs that make my heart twist into knots. I don't want them to have to wake up each day with that knowledge that they have to get through another day.

My heart HURTS for them. Physically, it hurts. I remember when my papa died, but this doesn't hurt like that. My papa was dying. I had prepared myself for the inevitable. But who was prepared for this?

Phil & Melissa are great parents. They are great friends. Melissa helps me to want to be a better mom and with my decorating skills (um, the lack thereof). Phil is Bryce's best friend- he's an awesome leader and an annoying "brother". They don't deserve this pain. No one does.

But...it happened. It can't be taken back. The only hope that is left is that one day, Phil & Melissa will see their son again. Their comfort is knowing that Nate is with Jesus.

I cry out to my Father that I want to crawl into His lap and cry, like I did with my mom when I was little. I want to feel His love spread over me. I thank Him for the peace that will come and for the celebration of life that He has given us. The joy that Nate brought to Phil & Melissa's lives is immeasurable. He will always be in their hearts and in everyone who's life he touched.

Sigh. My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a child, little or big. I can't imagine that it is any different.
Hug your babies today and call your kids. Tell them that you love them. Don't let your last words be words of anger. Reconcile, trust and love, peeps.