I usually like to run, but this past "year", I have sucked at it. Not slacked off. Just sucked. Period. I had signed up for this 5K back in August, before...well, before life stopped for a brief moment. I had planned on training for it, but I just never got around to putting on my running shoes and heading out the door.
Last night, as I grabbed my swag bag from the Color Me Rad registration, I realized what trouble I was in. Who was I to think I could run 3.26 miles without even a day of training? Nah, I can do it, I thought. It's only 3 miles.
And I DID! I did it. I ran the whole 5K, with two 10 second stops (thanks to my running buddy, Kirsie). I have never felt better.
But literally, I have never felt better. Well, maybe at least compared to the last week. While Phil & Melissa have been conquering mountains, I have been conquering hills...just tiny ones. Maybe anthills. Nonetheless, I have had to come to terms that my dear friends' lives are changed forever and there is nothing I can do about it. No amount of meals, tears shed or unfinished jokes could bring back the happiness they had when Nate was alive (I am writing this with a lump in my throat, folks).
Nate tore a huge whole in our reality. And that is meaning OUR reality; so many people were affected by his passing. Patching it up is easier for some; it will always be there for Phil & Melissa. They will adjust to the hole being there, like a hole in your favorite pair of jeans that you will never get rid of (okay, maybe a bad metaphor, but you know what I mean). It is the same for any of us who knew this sweet baby or care about our dear friends. We adjust. And I have had to do a lot of adjusting.
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